Personal Boundaries are Freeing
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“For each will have to bear his own load. ”
The gift of setting appropriate boundaries provides a happier life. Setting appropriate boundaries provides the differentiation necessary to be able to create an interdependence with God. Karen Nimmo, in her article “How to Stop Pleasing and Start Living,” opens our minds to how to set proper emotional boundaries. Nimmo provides reasons for setting clear boundaries. “Boundaries make everyone feel safe.” We become comfortable with ourselves and others when we learn expectations, and boundaries assist us in knowing our place in different situations. Boundaries also teach others “how to treat you.” Expecting others to treat us a certain way is a form of accountability that requires us to be clear so that others will act responsibly.
Nimmo challenges us with how to create proper boundaries. First, “Look in the mirror.” Before we can set boundaries for others to follow, we need to understand what we want and how we want others to relate. When we know what to do, we can draw a boundary around ourselves first. When we schedule ourselves based on what we value, we can express what we expect from ourselves and others. According to Nimmo, the process of setting our boundaries helps us “Know your place in the Universe.” When we understand our place, we can create Christ-like compassion and care for ourselves and others, and allow others to learn what we desire from the universe in which we exist.
Nimmo is clear that it is only fair that we “Tell people what to expect.” It isn’t appropriate for us to be frustrated and angry with others, if they do not know our expectations from relationships and life in general. Clear expectations are proper for little things, as well as big things, in life. Finally, Nimmo challenges us to “Let people live.” Our anxiety and blurred boundaries are often our attempts to control our surroundings and even other people. When we can be independent enough to free ourselves and others from being smothered and restrained, our lives become happier.
Today, pray for God to provide each of us with the insight necessary to enhance our relationship with God and others. Knowing what we want from life and clearly defining expectations is the avenue to a more-beneficial relationship with God and others. Begin the process of organizing your boundaries, and watch your life expand and your enjoyment enhance. That makes it worth the effort.
