Talking Through Tough Emotions with Your Child
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ”
One of the most frustrating moments I’ve had in life is communicating with my daughter when she was young and now my three-year-old and 18-month-old. You know they are experiencing many emotions, yet they do not have the maturity to understand what they are feeling. Worse, as their loved one, you are often incapable of communicating to their limited ability to talk. But, just because they cannot tell you doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing complex feelings like sadness, pain, and even despair.
In Lakshmi Gandhi’s Washington Post article, “Books can be an entry to talking about sadness with your child,” there are ways of creating opportunities to help even when communication is limited. For example, Gandhi realized a picture book entitled Jenny Mei Is Sad. In the book, Jenny is sad because her mother died. Empathizing Jenny’s feelings give even three-year-old thoughts about the same feelings within.
Gandhi explored children’s books about friendship as a means of support. Friends give each other care by walking together, holding hands, joking, and laughing. For older children and youth, reading an age-appropriate novel that addresses a similar emotion your child is going through can provide the opportunity for discussion. Some parents find it challenging to bring up their child’s feelings because they might give them the idea of sadness, etc. Children will face emotions with or without our input. If you do not make yourself available to your children, they will find someone who will listen. The listener will probably be someone of the same age who will punch them in the arm and tease them for having emotions. You are the best person to listen to and respond to their needs.
Today, pray for the courage and tenderness necessary to talk to your child about their emotions. God gave you the responsibility for caring for this child, which is a divine creation. Do not worry about making a mistake or even being rebuffed. Even if your child doesn’t seem to be interested in sharing, they need your guidance. Prayerfully ask God to help you remain conversational so your child knows you are in this emotional situation together. Rather than be the emotional authority, they need to know that you feel similarly and help them get through it with support. Finally, do not forget to pray together, so God is invited to help as well.
