Relationships with Toxic People
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
Relationships, whether dating, marriage, friendships, or familial, are challenging to sustain and nurture. Some people act in more unhealthy ways than others. Sometimes we are the ones who are toxic. Being able to name the dysfunction can help us improve our lives, make better decisions about who to embrace, and spend time making commitments. Yet, even if someone acts emotionally immaturely, that does not mean we cut them loose. It does mean we make mature and educated decisions about who we trust and invest in the long term.
Jaleel and Nicole wrote an article entitled, “6 Toxic Traits of an Emotionally Immature Adult.” The authors provide precise descriptions of toxic habits to recognize. Their first one is “They Don’t Own Up to Their Mistakes.” Instead of owning their mistakes, they get defensive and blame anyone but themselves. They are ready to sacrifice you to save their fragile ego. Jaleel and Nicole also recognize emotionally immature individuals stating, “They Can’t Handle Their Own Emotions.” These individuals can push their emotions down so deep they emote little or nothing. Conversely, they act out with tantrums, screaming, crying, or even violence.
Third, toxic persons “Believe Everything Is About Them.” Jaleel and Nicole describe this personality type as so self-absorbed that they have little or no room for anyone else in their lives. They will suck you emotionally dry and cannot give anything in return. Their narcissism leads the toxic one to “Act Selfish.” The authors continue, “It should always be their way or no way at all.” At its worst, they are incapable of love, care, or empathy.
Fifth, “They Don’t Know How to Be There For You.” They cannot be there for you because they are always needy, so there isn’t anything left for anyone else. Finally, sixth, “They Can’ Commit To Anything.” Commitment requires sacrifice; this selfish personality type cannot sacrifice for anyone. The authors confirm, “You’ll know they’re emotionally immature when they refuse to be self-sufficient.”
Today, pray for the wisdom to recognize these traits within yourself. Then, to identify these traits in others. Suppose it is appropriate to have some level of relationship with these toxic individuals, as long as you understand the situation and their limitations from the beginning. Further, you enter into the relationship knowing you will not have your needs met. Finally, you will need to offer prayer so the Holy Spirit can work to transform their lives because rarely are they able to mature on their own or with the help of a dedicated friend. Never forget to trust God to bring healing, even in the most challenging situations.
