The Generation Gap is Getting Wider
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
When I was growing up, the phrase “Generation Gap” was popular. Hundreds of books were written on the topic, but almost all of them emphasized the difference between adults and their teenage children. The generation gap idea addressed how parents and teens misunderstood each other and how they could bridge the “gap.” We need more study and written information on the generation gap between parents and their younger children.
The generation gap continues and is getting younger. In the article, “Why Kids Don’t Want to Talk About Their Day (and How to Get Them to Open Up Anyway), Jason Keil provides helpful information on how parents and children of all ages can learn to communicate better. Keil speaks from his own life, “The ride home from school can feel a battle of wills with my oldest son.” So Keil set about trying to decrease the divide. Keil continues, “To aid in the struggle, we researched why children don’t talk about what happens after we drop them off and share strategies and questions that might encourage kids to open up.”
Keil provides four key findings. First, “Kids need to decompress after school.” Just like adults, children need some time after school to think about their day before they can adequately respond to questions. Waiting even a few moments for your children to decompress and reflect can make a big difference in the quality of their responses. Second, “Young kids don’t recall the day’s events the same way you do.” Children struggle with our questions because their memories work differently than adult memories. Keil suggests, “One method to get them to open up is to use the itinerary of what goes on during a typical school day that most preschools and teachers give parents at the beginning of the school year.” When you can remind them of their activities, it creates a picture they might not otherwise choose to remember.
Third, “Tell them about your day first.” If you have expectations for their sharing, the best tool is to model the expectation. Finally, the fourth area is, “What if you think they are being bullied?” Keil shares, “One out of five kids experiences bullying, and between 25 to 60% of those kids don’t report it to a parent or authority figure.” Yet, their silence may be their way of expressing their pain. Keil quotes the “Huffpost,” which suggests you ask your children specific questions to draw them out. “Who did you play with today? What was that like? What are some things you like doing with other kids? What are some things you don’t like so much?”
Practicing these four engagement areas will not immediately bridge the generation gap. Yet, through pray, patience, and remaining available, your child may just reach out to you. Pray the Holy Spirit will give you the wisdom and patience to notice and respond at that moment. It is less about saying the right words and more about offering your child a calm, loving ear. Don’t jump into fix-it mode, but just listen and empathize. Most of the time that is all that is needed.
