Not Just Another Pretty Face

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

Narcissism is as old as time itself. The ancient Greeks even included narcissism in their mythology because personality disorder was common in society. The story of Narcissus was a cautionary tale described as a counterexample. A hunter named Narcissus was known for his beauty. Yet, he rejected all romantic advances, choosing instead to fall in love with his reflection in a pool of water. He spent the remainder of his life obsessing over his likeness. It was as much a cautionary Greek tale as Icarus, who died by flying too close to the sun.

Thousands of years later, humanity is still trying to learn how to address narcissistic personality disorders in a healthy way. USA Today surprised me this week by addressing narcissistic personality disorder. “Is narcissism genetic? Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one,” Charles Trepany provides answers based on experts. “Once someone turns 25, experts say, their personality is pretty much set in stone.” The challenge is to guide a child’s development early and often.

Trepany confirms, “According to mental health experts, there are three main ways children grow up to become narcissists: *They are overindulged for their superficial attributes. *They are under-indulged in their emotions. *They experience trauma or abuse.” The challenge is to confirm what the superficial attributes are and which emotions to give your attention to. It also requires courage for a parent(s) to recognize and admit trauma and abuse in those we love most. Yet, naming the trauma is a necessary step in healing and humility.

A blessing is that parents do not need to guide their children through the challenging process of humility alone. A church family provides the wisdom to know we are not the center of our universe. God’s wisdom through Scripture and the Spirit allows us to care for others beyond ourselves. Faith in our Triune God helps us avoid the superficial and address our emotions and thoughts with integrity and compassion. Narcissus would see his reflection differently if he recognized himself as a child of God rather than a self-absorbed pretty face.