Emotional Wisdom and Changing Norms
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)
Emotional health is finally getting the focus it has needed for decades. Along with focus is the gift of language. By putting names and definitions to our emotional lives, we can grow and mature as people in community. It doesn’t mean previous generations were less mature; society has become more complex, and prior norms and rules of conduct that governed a community’s wellbeing are no longer strictly followed, leaving contemporary society vulnerable, if not for a new language for emotional wisdom.
A Harvard-trained psychologist, Dr. Cortney Warren, wrote an article in Time Magazine that addresses the language we can use to enhance our emotional wisdom in our post-modern age. Warren provides 9 phrases that will help guide your depth of maturity. I will share a few that spoke to me. “Let me think about that before I respond.” Our fast-paced social media world expects immediacy, but responding from the gut without thorough consideration leaves us vulnerable to poor thinking or even mistakes in necessary communication. It takes courage and maturity to stop and think, even when the world around you wants your response now!
Another maturity phrase is “I’m not comfortable with that.” When I was growing up, sports was a huge part of my life. I was blessed with some exceptional coaches, and I had a few horrific coaches. One baseball coach, in particular, wins the prize. We lost by one run. His son was pitching, and he verbally assaulted him in front of the team and our parents. Then, crying, he picked up a bag filled with bats and balls and threw them at the team. He stormed off, cursing. The assistant coach stepped in to give instructions and let us go home, but no parent or other adult said, “I’m not comfortable with what the coach said and did.” He coached that way for the rest of the season.
Finally, Warren calls us to ask, “Am I like that?” Often, the things we hate the most in others are the negative attributes we refuse to see in ourselves. Emotional wisdom calls us to be courageous again, this time by turning our keen judgment on ourselves with glaring honesty. It takes a unique person willing to look within. The blessing is that God can help. God is there to help you discern your thoughts and bring grace-filled healing in your vulnerable reflections. Working on your emotional wisdom is a gift to yourself and to others. Allow God to make your journey more profound and less painful.