When You’re Not Liked
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Am I now seeking human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ. ”
There are some lessons that we must relearn over and over. One of the hardest lessons we learn as children is that not everyone is going to like us. A great deal of our faith life is learning how to respond to those who do not like us. Do we respond with vengeance? Do we continue to let them abuse us? Can we dislike someone and still love them as a child of God? We can treat others with respect and Christ-like love without constantly trying to earn their friendship or even kindness.
Sarah Treleaven, in her article, “Some People Don’t Like You and That’s Okay” points out, “You have a finite amount of mental and emotional energy with which to try changing minds, so it’s worth thinking critically about which minds are worth that effort.” Spending vast amounts of time trying to please undeserving people strips you of your self-worth. Further, it actually empowers people who often do not deserve it. We are required, as people of faith, to treat people with dignity, but that doesn’t mean we have to grovel for their acceptance.
Treleaven continues, “Before you launch a charm offensive, ask yourself why you’re troubled by being disliked.” When you are being diminished by someone, prayerfully ask God’s Holy Spirit to guide you on how to best respond. Sometimes, refusing to empower the unkind person is the most faithful response. Yet, it must come from spiritual reflection, and not simply what is most convenient or comfortable.
Today, think about the ways you have worked hard to make people like you. Was it effective? Did it diminish you? Take time to pray through your relational struggles. Seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance before you act. Then, pray for reconciliation while you hold firm to your dignity and self-respect. You are worthy of acceptance, as a child of God. Do not let someone else hold your worth in their control, based on whether or not they like you.
