Protection or Independence: The Challenge of Raising our Children

All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. (Isaiah 54:13)

A parent’s job is fraught with challenges, and often, the only time you know whether your decisions were beneficial or disappointing is after it is too late to change them. Why anyone would attempt such a perilous adventure without divine assistance is beyond me. God helps prepare us for the harsh reality of guiding our children to maturity. Good parents never stop struggling with the uncomfortable balance between offering protection and teaching independence.

In “10 Harsh Truths About Life That No One Tells You About,” Matthew Royse proposes life lessons that we must learn the hard way. I will offer a few of Royse’s harsh truths so each of us considers whether we protect or encourage independence. Royse challenges us, saying, “You Are in Charge of Your Happiness and Choices.” We parents work hard to create a better life for our children than we had. Yet, we cannot make or dictate our children’s happiness indefinitely. The sooner our children learn that worth and happiness come from within, the more happiness they will experience.

Next, Royse offers, “Don’t Compare Yourself to Others.” Then, he provides a brilliant quote by David Meltzer, “Comparison robs you of joy. Learn from others. Don’t compare.” Our children have so much more to compare themselves than we did. When I was growing up, comparisons were about whether someone had a bike. Did your clothes come from a discount shop or the formal shop downtown? Now, an adolescent in 2023 is the equivalent of being deaf without a cell phone. Kids seem to text more than they talk out loud. All it took to be “cool” in the late 1970’s was the right tennis shoes. Now, fashion includes a $1,200 cell phone that is replaced every other year. There is always someone wealthier than you. Comparison warps a young person’s goals and kills one’s soul.

Finally, Royse proclaims, “Failure is Inevitable.” Again, he interjects a meaningful quote. This time, Nelson Mandela said, “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” We live in an age where every child wins a blue ribbon, and too many parents side with their child when called to the principal’s office. It is better to learn how to handle failure when young and the consequences minor then older and higher stakes. Today, offer God your hopes and fears regarding your children. God has more control than we do anyway.