The Way Through Death
written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Realizing that their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers said, “What if Joseph still bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong that we did to him?” ”
Funerals are painful for many reasons, some of which have little to do with the actual death of a loved one. A death changes the power dynamics within the family. Who is going to fill the void? Did this loved one hold the family together against fracture? If so, then the loss of this loved one could be the end of family unity. Was this loved one the tie that bound the family together? If so, then the family may drift apart. Fear of splintering the family can cause stress, leading to even more division. Then, when you add the splitting of assets and other financial changes to this already tender environment, it can become destructive.
It doesn't have to be this way. Joseph returned from burying his father, Jacob. His brothers had been cruel and tried to kill him. He had every right to cut them out financially, socially, and emotionally. Joseph decided to trust God by responding with humble forgiveness. His brothers had repented, and he took them at their word. Joseph wasn't keeping track of the dollars. He also didn't keep track of the slights.
When we let other people control our emotions, they have control. God is the only one who should be allowed power over us. When we let them affect our energy, feelings, and actions, we become no better than the ones we are upset with. While we may never do this well, living above pettiness and manipulations is our charge. In the end, forget the financial disparities because they don't matter more than your soul. In the end, the little and big disrespectful statements may hurt, but they do not define us, and at our best, they do not affect our decision-making.
Decision-making takes many forms. We make little decisions every minute about how we will feel, think, respond, and speak. We make big decisions about how we will treat others. Each of those big decisions took place after dozens, if not hundreds, of little choices added up and influenced the big one.
When you are in the midst of your worst stress, like a loved one’s death, it is even more important to act like Joseph, think beyond the moment, and remember the big picture. You are a child of God. We are already living in eternity, and each little decision made intentionally brings divine joy. Today, spend some time thinking about your best self. What does that look like? Then, deliberately focus on each feeling, word, and action for the rest of the day. Like everything else, it takes practice, but with practice, painful moments like death can bring renewed life!
