The Rocky Road to Marital Fulfillment

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

While Protestant Christians do not recognize marriage as a sacrament, we do believe God considers marriage a sacred act. Nurture and support for your marriage are spiritual imperatives. When I read Kelsey Borresen’s article in HuffPost, “This Is What Harms Married People’s Happiness The Most, Therapists Say,” I felt called to share it with you. Borresen reminded me that none of us have a marriage that is always clear sailing. The key to a long and meaningful relationship is to roll with it, remain open to accepting uncomfortable times, and learn from the experiences.

Borresen warns couples about “Comparing your relationship to other people’s.” Comparisons can make a couple feel better for a short moment. Watching another couple argue might be an emotional balm when we tell ourselves, “Boy, they act worse than us.” But the flip side of the coin is that it opens the door to comparing ourselves to couples who appear more loving than you and your spouse. Comparisons are not factual and create angst.

Next, “Having kids” is a challenge to any relationship. Borresen confirms, “Research has shown that people’s marital happiness declines after having kids-especially during the first year of a child’s life-and takes a while to fully recover.” Children create new stress and, at the same time, take the intimacy of time away. Recognizing and naming this reality helps couples accept their new situation. Becoming new parents is also when many couples begin “Blaming your partner for your unhappiness.” Often, the blame is unintentional, but the anger at one’s life situation can become toxic if not addressed.

Borresen warns us not to fall into the trap of “Putting yourself last.” Putting yourself or your marriage last is a recipe for resentment. Telling your partner they are valued means little without actions backing up your words. As your children grow, they will learn from your loving example if you love yourself and your spouse. God values your marriage by bringing you together. Care for your divinely blessed relationship by making your marriage a priority of care through time and attention.