The Only One You Can Change
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Therefor, if anyone is in Christ, he or she is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
Only God can change people. If I had a dollar for every premarital counseling moment I’ve had where one person thought they could change the one they were to marry; I could take every one of my devotional readers out for a lobster dinner. While we do not have the power to change another person, we can make a difference in their transformation. Before we can influence transformation, we must first seek to understand what motivates the one for whom we care. Once we understand motivation, we have a chance to influence future decision-making.
Thomas Oppong, in his article, “You Can’t Change Anyone-You Can Only Make Them Think,” quotes another writer who confirms, “People think they can’t change themselves, but they can. People think they can change others, but they can’t.” If you want to change a person you love, you must model transformation by making changes in your life and then changes in the way you respond to others, including the ones you love. Changing yourself in positive ways inspires others, and soon they want to follow in your footsteps. Consider the alcoholic who does the hard work of twelve steps and no longer chains themselves to the bottle. Her drinking buddies witness her newfound freedom and joy. They say, “If she can do it, why can’t I?!” The sober friend didn’t have to preach or guilt her friends; instead, she modeled healthy behavior and made it look beneficial.
Oppong continues, “Good habits trigger good behavior in others.” Emotional, physical, and spiritual health is beneficial. When we act faithfully, others will want what we are experiencing. Our goal should not be to fix the other person at all. Instead, we will focus entirely on ourselves and trust God to transform the persons we love. Today, give us the faith to work on our issues and let God worry about everyone else. Prayerfully trust God to make lasting changes in the lives of others. Open our hearts to renew our souls so that we can be an example of God’s healing touch.
