Respecting Boundaries
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)
Part of being a person of faith is feeling the call to compassion and giving. These are healthy and meaningful qualities, but only when shared appropriately. With the best intentions, we followers of Jesus too often give before we think. Unfortunately, we can be fooled into giving to unscrupulous people and programs that exploit our goodwill. Similarly, on an interpersonal level, people can also take advantage of our goodwill. One manipulative way people can take advantage of our care is by intruding upon necessary personal boundaries.
“4 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries” by Nick Wignall addresses the concerns each person of faith should address in their personal lives. Wignall defines it this way, “Unhealthy boundaries mean there’s an imbalance in the mixture of intimacy and independence in a given relationship.” Wignall continues, “If you want healthy relationships, you need healthy boundaries.” Yet, there are several ways we fail to honor our vital boundaries.
First, Wignall states, “You Set Boundaries but Don’t Enforce Them.” How do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you do not enforce the boundaries? Second, “You Compromise on Your Boundaries Constantly.” It is also essential to make your boundaries known and be consistent so those around you know your expectations. Compromising your boundaries can give you a sense of relief in the short term but will be more uncomfortable in the long run.
Next, Wignall describes, “You Try to Set Boundaries You Don’t Believe In.” If you don’t know your values or set values because you think others will be impressed, it will be challenging to follow through on your commitment.
Wignall’s final unhealthy boundary is “You Don’t Respect Your Boundaries with Yourself,” We cannot expect others to honor our boundaries if we do not act similarly to other people’s boundaries. Today, prayerfully reflect on how you want to be treated by strangers, acquaintances, and those closest to you. Then, pray for the wisdom to consistently treat others' boundaries the way you want them to treat you.