Raising Strong, Faithful, Independent Children
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Train up a child in the way she should go; even when she is old she will not depart from it.”
Raising children is a tricky business. Especially in our world today. I know every generation says the next generation is more challenging. Still, we are neck-deep in social media, and the ongoing pandemic and school shootings make the contemporary situation more overwhelming. Our daughter is in her thirties, and my wife and I knew we couldn’t raise her without the help of the Holy Spirit. Parenting is tough, and one should get positive help whenever possible.
When you take parenting seriously, you are willing to embrace the uncomfortable moments for the sake of your child. Margot Machol Bisnow, in her CNBC article, “I talked to 70 parents who raised highly successful kids-here are the 4 hard parenting rules that make them different” states, provides examples of how to do the uncomfortable but necessary work of raising our children. Bisnow’s first recommendation is to “Give kids extreme independence.” With freedom comes confidence. It is hard to offer space when our worries keep our children from experiencing growth. The key is seeking the wisdom to find safe forms of freedom creatively.
Bisnow’s second proposal is to “Actively nurture compassion.” Organized sports provide positive benefits, but compassion isn’t high on the list. Compassion is foundational, and the church is the best place to learn and make it a life-long practice. Our compassion makes it challenging to fulfill Bisnow’s third expectation, “Welcome failure early and often.” We love our children more than life, so it is painful to watch them fail. Yet, failure is a vital part of developing maturity. When we “save” our children from failure, we keep them from learning when the failures are small. When the child is older and the failure is enormous, they will be left without the skills to adapt and overcome.
Finally, Bisnow calls parents to “Let go of control and lead by following.” Bisnow points out, “Kids need time to discover their paths.” When we lay out the path for our children, they remain unmotivated. They live with enthusiasm when we give them room to make their own decisions. Today, rather than pray for our children, we should pray for ourselves and other parents. Only when we receive the Holy Spirit’s support can we glean the wisdom necessary to raise our children to be their best selves. Further, when we invite God into the process, it isn’t just on us whether our child creates a meaningful, faithful life. Let God take some of the control and some of the responsibility.
