Nurturing Marriage
An excellent partner, who can find. They are more precious than jewels. (Proverbs 31:10)
Marriage is tough on a good day. I believe marriage is more challenging now than in the last hundred years. There are several reasons for the increase in marital dissatisfaction. American society has longer work hours than previous generations. Social Media, from cell phone apps to streaming devices, take precious time previously focused on one’s partner. Financial pressures are more demanding because our “necessities” have increased. My father-in-law was turning over in his grave when he heard my cell phone cost $1,200.00. Finally, don’t get me started on our children being over-scheduled, the fentanyl crisis, and the child and adolescent mental health crisis. It is a shock when anyone remains married.
Yet, God promises to bless our marriage and guide us through the difficult moments. Since I am a pastor and not a psychologist, I turn to people with more experience than I can offer. Today, I turn to Nick Wignall and his article “3 Habits That Will Improve Your Marriage.” First, Wignall recommends, “Validate first, problem-solve later.” During stressful times in married life, loving reassurance is vital. Once both partners know the marriage is stable, problem-solving will become more accessible to address together. Never assume your partner feels everything in the marriage is copasetic. We must feel understood before we seek to address an outside challenge.
Second, Wignall challenges married couples that if they want to work harmoniously, they need “To be more compassionate, find the function.” What Wignall means is that more is going on than “Scott is being such a jerk!” (I would use Jill as my example, but I am afraid she would change the locks! J). Look beyond the shallow first reaction and try judging “persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and in all circumstances” -Vincent DePaul. Looking at others in the most favorable light will help address Wignall’s number 3, “For more intimacy, practice being vulnerable.” Looking favorably creates vulnerability because it causes us to look at our actions and motivations. Looking at the other with favor and being vulnerable is uncomfortable, but it is honest and healing.
Wignall challenges couples by saying, “A great way to get started is to practice being vulnerable in small ways.” All relationships have similar joys and challenges. The more you work on your human relationships, the stronger your relationship with God becomes. Vulnerability is the hallmark of a strong relationship with God. The more open and intimate we are with God, the closer we become. We feel more isolated and alienated when we feel judged or condemned in a marriage or with God. Risking vulnerability and compassion is at the heart of a strong marriage and a meaningful relationship with the divine One. Risk seeing those you love in a favorable light, and you will find love and support renewed!