Don’t Cope the Easy Way
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)
Just because you are a person of faith and trust God does not mean you have a special immunity from stress and occasional trouble coping with life’s challenges. Sometimes the faithful struggle more because God places unique challenges before them because they are uniquely qualified and able to rely on the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit. There are ways we cope that are not beneficial, and learning to avoid these troubling responses can help us remain focused on our well-being.
I turn to trusted writer Nick Wignall for assistance in his article “5 Coping Strategies Hurting Your Self-Esteem.” Wignall warns that “Staying busy all the time” is a widespread yet destructive coping mechanism. Staying constantly busy makes us more anxious and is a form of avoidance that does not address the underlying hurt. When we are more anxious, we often become susceptible to “Hypercriticism.” Criticism isn’t a bad thing when its motivation is improvement and care. Hypercriticism occurs when we try to diminish another to relieve our self-loathing. Wignall points out, “Being overly-critical makes you feel better about yourself now, but in the long-run it only leads to shame and insecurity.”
Wignall’s next coping concern is “Reassurance-seeking.” It feels good when someone compliments us, but it allows manipulation or neediness when we need it. We should not need anyone other than God to validate us. Finally, we can cope through “Cheap pleasure.” Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream is a great solace when life gets nasty, but there is the threat of brain freeze and discomfort of potential diabetes if we imbibe too frequently. Don’t get me started on alcohol, video games, and the local pool hall. Sorry, the last one was a little too close to home. Avoidance leaves you where you left only with less money, more weight, and a headache from getting beat off the break (pool reference).
Wignall quotes Soren Kierkegaard, “Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.” Today, it is time to slow down and not rely on the previous coping mechanisms. Instead of slamming one too many Tequila shots, prayerfully focus on how the underlying pain and a healthy way to cope and find wholeness. Each challenging situation will require unique responses, yet the one constant is the clarity of mind necessary to reach out to God for healing and wholeness.