Forgiveness Is Tough
"So I urge you to reaffirm your love for him." (2 Corinthians 2:8)
It's such a little sentence, but it has so much meaning! At first glance, one might expect the passage to be an introduction to spiritual disciplines. It might be a call to prayer so you can express your love for God. Perhaps the following verses would include encouragement to increase your tithe. No, in this instance, "reaffirming your love for him" is done through forgiving others.
I was hoping for anything other than forgiveness. Forgiveness has been one of the most challenging aspects of the Christian faith. Frankly, I am often not a fan of forgiveness. That's right, I'm not a fan! I have experienced too many people who hurt others over and over and over, and continual forgiveness is little more than unhealthy acts of codependency. Ultimately, it leaves the victim further victimized, and the "forgiven" is allowed to continue their abusiveness. I have never abided by such false, destructive, and unholy forgiveness.
It took me many years to come to a deeper understanding of forgiveness. The more I read scripture, the more I realize forgiveness isn't primarily for the person who hurts another. Forgiveness is mainly for the one wronged. Without an act of forgiveness, the person hurt or abused is not able to let go and move forward. Without forgiveness, the perpetrator retains some level of control over the one wronged. When a person forgives another, we are told that the hurtful person's action(s) no longer have power over them.
Lying, or pretending to forgive, is unhealthy because it leaves a wronged person with cancer in their soul. But unlike most physical cancers, a surgeon cannot remove cancer in the soul. It takes time for the person and the Holy Spirit to weave together the soul, leaving no room for anger, resentment, and other responses that ultimately turn back on the wrong person's soul, further abusing them.
Forgiveness is an act of rebellion! I will no longer allow you to hurt me. I forgive you and leave no other room in my soul for bitterness! I respect myself too much to leave any hate in my heart!
Now, that does not mean that forgiveness includes forgetting. The phrase "forgive and forget" is one of the most destructive phrases in the whole of the English language. You can argue that it is not even Biblical from a holistic perspective. Any future, ongoing relationship with the perpetrator is separate from forgiveness. Forgiveness is about extricating hate from one's heart and soul. An ongoing relationship remains dependent upon the perpetrator's future actions. If they continue to be hurtful, it is a Christian imperative to remove yourself from the other person's life! It is unjust to let someone continue to hurt you or others. Justice is a central theme in the Bible.
Today, spend time with God reflecting on the anger, bitterness, and even hate remaining in your heart and soul. Most of us have those feelings eating away at us. Offer those genuine feelings to God. Pray for forgiveness so you can finally heal. Remember that forgiveness is for you. You deserve to feel good again. Don't let the perpetrator have any power over you. Find forgiveness! Don't let yourself be a physical or emotional punching bag any longer. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean you must put yourself in physical, emotional, or spiritual danger again. The person forgiven must deserve the right to have a relationship with you. You are made in God's image and too valuable to be abused! Forgive, heal, and be open to relationships, but judge each by how others make you feel. Loving God occurs when you love yourself. Loving yourself is possible when anger and bitterness are overcome and healing occurs. God bless you on your journey!
This devotion was originally published in July of 2017