Emotionally Mature With a Narcissistic Parent

Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security. (Jeremiah 33:6)

You can love and respect the individuals who raised you and still recognize their shortcomings. None of us is perfect, so it is essential to reflect on the challenges your parent or guardian placed in your life so you can move past emotional limitations. God calls parents to do their best to raise their children with care, love, and support. The child’s divine call is to move beyond their parent’s limitations to carve their emotional maturity. A person’s call to emotional maturity is more difficult when one or more of your parents have narcissistic tendencies.

In “4 Telltale Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissist,” Dr. Annie Tanasugarn, PhD, warns that if a grown child does not recognize and address a parent’s narcissism, the child will find it challenging to become an emotionally mature adult. An adult child of a narcissist often sacrifices love by numbing their pain. Sacrificing their love creates an inability to give love to others or oneself. “If you were not allowed freedom to express yourself and your vulnerable emotions as a child-without feeling shamed or invalidated-you learn to cut these parts out of your life as an adult.” Cutting oneself off often creates an environment where the adult child makes bad choices with their partners and children.

A narcissistic parent creates an environment where the child and adult child feel that their validation is found through being successful. Success is defined by how it enhances the parent’s validation. The children view their success only through the lens of the parent’s narcissistic endorsement. As Dr. Tanasugarn describes, “Growing up in a narcissistic environment that breeds a ‘need’ to feel perfect is based on being taught that how you look (or make your caregiver look) is more ‘important’ than how you feel.” The caregiver’s feelings are all pervasive if you make them look good or totally absent if you make them appear somehow “less than.”

The way to restore intimacy is through recognizing that you, as a child of a narcissist, have some emotional and spiritual work to do. The way to healing takes place by choosing to heal by “Reassessing your relationship history, your current romantic relationship, and the ‘role’ you were handed by your family.” You cannot change a narcissist, but you can change the way you respond the way you respond. Pray daily for the wisdom to trust your new vision of yourself and the people in your life. Trust God to give you the strength to face your history and move forward with a new reality of what brings you meaning and wholeness.