Crabby Old Perfectionist
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as ‘I have been fully known.’ ”
I knew a guy in the last years of his life. He was bitter. He pushed his family, his church, and everyone else out of his life. None could live up to his perfectionistic expectations. He died alone. I was never able to discern whether he felt himself perfect, but I assume he was as cruel to himself as he was to others. This man’s bitterness became an example of the negative power of perfectionism to hurt and even destroy lives.
God is the only one who is perfect. You aren’t perfect and neither am I. So why do we keep being disappointed when those around us fail to live up to the perfection we’ve come to expect? Further, how many times do we need to disappoint ourselves before accepting our own imperfection? Brianna Wiest, in her article “We Crave Perfection Because We Want To Feel Safe,” affirms, “One is sought with the intention of how something will appear, and the other is created with the intention of how it will actually be.”
Wiest wisely points out, “Perfection and excellence are not the same thing.” If our intention is to be perfect, we are doomed to fail. If our intention is excellence, that is a worthy goal, and is occasionally achievable. It takes courage to acknowledge our imperfection because it may disappoint ourselves and others. In the long-term, however, our imperfection creates realistic and honest expectations. When we can discard the fallacy of imperfection, we can finally treat ourselves and others with integrity and an appropriate level of respect.
Today, pray for God to assist us in finding the proper expectations for ourselves and others. Guide us to let go of the dangerous path of perfectionism and strive for excellence instead. Then, give us the grace and mercy to accept imperfection within ourselves and others. This imperfection is a blessing because it helps us see our need for the all-perfect God. Allow our imperfection to be a gift. A gift that helps us see through the mirror less dimly.
