Comforting Words
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. ”
We are always at a loss for what to say when someone is dying. I am very cautious about what I say in those moments. I do not want to sound like a cliché, so often I am quiet. But there are some things you can say that transcend the cliché. Jenny Harrington, in her article, “Three Magical Phrases to Comfort a Dying Person,” provides the answer. Harrington says the three simple sentences are: “You will not be alone. You will not feel pain. We will be okay.”
When you are with someone who is in the process of dying, try to put yourself in the person’s situation. One of the worst fears any of us has in the dying process is that we will feel horrible pain, and be out of control in front of those we love. This is why programs like hospice are so special. They make sure that when we are in the dying process we will receive the proper medications to relieve the pain as our time comes. Reminding the dying person that pain is not going to be a problem is an incredibly supportive statement.
“We will be okay,” is another key affirmation that is incredibly supportive. If you express empathy for the one who is dying, one of your greatest fears is that your loved ones will suffer after your death. Letting them know you “will be okay” is a good start. Then, state the ways you and your family will remain strong and committed to one another. There are few things as comforting to both the one dying and to the rest of the family.
Yet, the most important phrase you can say is, “You will not be alone.”If the person does not have faith, you can commit to making sure the person does not have to die alone. You can even set up a schedule so they are not alone. They will feel secure, and you will feel blessed that you could provide comfort in such an important moment. If they do have faith, this phrase is infinitely more meaningful. You can remind them of how they will soon experience God, who is waiting for her/him. Read passages of Scripture, like Psalm 121, that remind the listener that there is no where you can hide from God’s Spirit. You can read passages like John 14 and Revelation 21:1-6, that describe glimpses of heaven. When you do these things, your words move from being a cliché, to having eternal meaning. God bless you!
