Disappointing Others Hurts

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

I became a minister to honor God and help others. When I started serving churches, one of the shocking aspects of ministry was the pain of not living up to people's expectations. For some, my preaching wasn't "Biblical enough," and for others, I wasn't "entertaining enough." Then, why wasn't financial giving higher, or more children in Sunday School? I'd be rich if I had a dollar for everyone who was disappointed because I couldn't fix their issue. If I taught a course to ministry students at a seminary, my first course would be "How to Get Over the Fear of Disappointing Others," which happens to be an article by Nick Wignall.

The issue of disappointment isn't unique to ministers. Unless you are a narcissistic sociopath, the feeling of disappointing others is painful. The more you work with, and for other people, the more you will disappoint someone. The challenge is to learn when disappointment is warranted and when it is inappropriate emotional baggage. Wignall affirms, "You are not responsible for other people's feelings." Commit to focus on your feelings, especially when they become uncomfortable. Ask why they are uncomfortable. Then, evaluate if you should own the discomfort and disappointment or if you are carrying someone else's emotional baggage. Practice improves your ability to assess the feeling and rationally address the situation.

Wignall continues, "You are responsible for your actions, not other people's feelings." Once you are responsible for your actions and not everyone's reactions, you can reframe your relationship to other people's emotions. For example, you can determine with greater accuracy whether a situation is uncomfortable or dangerous. Too frequently, we react to discomfort with the anxiety level of danger. Not only is this overreaction hurtful to oneself, but the pain also bleeds over into other relationships.

Wignall continues, "Just because it feels bad doesn't mean it is bad." Once we place our empathy within a boundary of fair emotional accountability, our lives are more fulfilling. Today, we prayerfully ask God to give us the self-control necessary to embrace our discomfort and the wisdom to evaluate our emotional response to other people's disappointment with us. How we treat ourselves impacts how we treat others and respond to God. Our emotional responses are a spiritual issue, and God is ready to lend a hand through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.