Taking the Sting Out of Death
written by: Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Where, O death, is your sting?”
One of the many differences between faithful churchgoers and most people is how much they consider death. I am not talking about morbid fascination but the ever-present reality that our lives on this earth are finite. When I meet with a family before to plan a funeral and make it more personal, those who do not attend worship regularly invariably have not made plans for their loved one's funeral. Often, they have failed to even talk about the reality of death. The families who are not able to talk about death do a disservice to the one dying or themselves.
Just because the conversation is uncomfortable doesn't mean the one dying and the family does not want to have the conversation. I recognized the pain of undiscussed death in the title of Iva Ursano's article "Life Over 60-Why Doesn't Anyone Talk About Death?" She calls a conversation about death a "delicate topic." Ursano complains, "People love to talk about religion, politics, the economy, their neighbours and a bunch of other random topics, but not their mortality." At 61, Ursano honestly shares that she is "tired." She is "tired of the constant struggle." She addresses being tired of life's injustices and struggling with financial issues. She also expresses her frustration about no longer being able to do what she enjoys.
Then, Ursano invites us into her fears as she speaks openly about concerns about how she will die. "God, I hope it's not death by drowning. This terrifies me. Will Alzheimer's ravage me like it did my mother? Cancer? Car accident? Plane crash (please, not in the ocean)?" Etc. She concludes her article with the statement, "I will do my best to enjoy each day, live life to the fullest, and not let the fear of death consume my life." The only mention of God appears not to be a prayerful statement but a despairing use of God's name in vain.
I applaud Iva Ursano's courage to be honest about her fears and the topic of death that so many avoid. Yet, her fear saddens me because faith in God lived out in a spiritually healthy church would alleviate a lot of her pain. As people of faith, we have the same fears of Alzheimer's, drowning, and whether we will suffer. The gift faith in God lived out in church, provides is the regular and open consideration of death. Church people attend funerals regularly. Two-thirds of our services begin with standing in honor of a valued church person who died. Living our faith in the church, which includes caring for the dying and listening to Scripture and sermons about life, death, and resurrection, puts death in its rightful place. Death is not an end but a new beginning with our Almighty Parent. While fear remains, so does comfort and even expectation. Death has lost its sting through faith and regularly facing death's reality.
