Stop Needing a Do-Over
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
I am going to pick on men today, myself included. Growing up, my exasperated mother often told me that boys are more immature than girls. Perhaps she was correct. Like every other man, I can name moments in history where my immaturity was a burden and would give dearly to have a “do-over.” But, unfortunately, a do-over is a falsehood. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and rudeness and develop the wisdom to learn from past missteps.
In his article “Four Signs of a Man-Child,” Sean Kernan calls men to task by forcing us to look in the mirror and not just confess but learn and grow. Kernan quotes Franz Kafka, “Most men are not wicked. Men become bad and guilty because they speak and act without foreseeing the results of their words and their deeds. They are sleepwalkers, not evildoers.” My worst decisions occur when I am sleepwalking and do not think about and evaluate my actions and decision-making.
The way to male maturity (not always an oxymoron) is through two Biblical concepts, humility and gratitude. When we are humble enough to believe we can make errors in our life and grateful for the blessings that come our way, maturity grows. Kernan helps us recognize our immaturity with the following four missteps. First, “They spin a revolving list of complaints.” The more we replay the sins of others without consideration for our misdeeds, the further down the immaturity rabbit hole we fall. Second, “They cause drama and feed into it. Yet turn around and complain about ‘all the drama.’”
Next, Kernan reminds us that immature men blow up whenever they receive criticism. “Everything is a reaction.” Acting with forethought keeps us from a reaction. Finally, for immature men, “Apologies are rare and when they arrive, it is done kicking and screaming.” We have come full circle because apologies require humility and gratitude rather than begging for an impossible do-over. Today, invite God into your reflection process. Your world will be more meaningful, and the desire for do-overs will be less frequent.