Steps to Emotional Intelligence
written by: Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ”
Emotions are incredible when they are under control. Learning to control our emotions is a lifelong challenge. For many of us, most emotions are not only under control, but easily recognized and adequately addressed. The challenge occurs when the situation feels big, out of control; and, one negative case lands quickly upon another. When the pile of negativity is up to your neck, the emotions feel like they are taking over. It requires a deeper level of emotional intelligence. Nurturing a new level of emotional intelligence requires spiritual commitment as well as emotional reflection.
In his article “3 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal with Negative Feelings,” Michael Rauscher provides “three supportive ways to handle emotions.” First, people “…don’t act influential when they’re emotionally charged.” In emotionally charged moments, we can hurt others until we take the time to unpack our pain. It isn’t a weakness or a waste of time to reflect on our emotional centeredness and empty the negative. It heals our soul and keeps others from needing to heal.
Second, according to Rauscher, emotionally intelligent individuals “…use their emotions as teachers.” Emotionally intelligent individuals are not overwhelmed by life for long. By evaluating emotions, he/she can learn from each experience, even the emotionally negative experiences. Rauscher makes it shockingly clear that if you or I are not changing amid new circumstances, we choose to remain stuck, which causes us to stay emotionally immature.
Finally, emotionally intelligent individuals “…always choose growth over ease.” The easiest thing, in the short-term, is to avoid our discomfort and pain. But avoidance keeps us in the pit of distress. Only through emotional reflection can we climb out to a better place. Today, pray for the Divine wisdom and courage to face the discomfort necessary to grow in spiritual and emotional intelligence. By prayerfully trusting God’s care, we can seek our care and renewal. You and I are called to the difficult task of reflection so we can effectively be God’s disciples.
