Parenthood Isn’t For Everyone
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
Even in our “enlightened” society, some issues remain taboo. One of those taboo issues is choosing to stay childless. While, as a parent, I cannot imagine the pressure couples face, who choose to remain childless experience, I can guess the pain. My wife and I decided to have one child, and throughout our married life, we’ve regularly had people publicly chastise us for the decision. We’ve been amazed at the gall some people have, asking us, “how could you decide to have just one child? Didn’t you realize it is cruel to leave your daughter alone and without family?” What makes it anyone’s business? Jill and I can only imagine the pressure people get who choose not to have children at all.
In her article, “Many Parents Wish They Didn’t Have Kids,” Danielle Hestand points out the pain some parents express, either feeling they made the wrong decision having children or the regret of feeling forced into parenthood. The statistics are telling. “About 7% of American parents when asked reported that they would choose to have zero children if they had the option to change their past decisions. In Germany, 8% of parents in a survey claimed that they were completely sure they’d decide to not have children if they could alter their past. Even more people reported strong alignment with the idea that they would choose to not have children if they could-a full 11%.” God did not intend for every person to be a parent, and no one should be humiliated for deciding whether to have a child.
I am thrilled we decided to have our child. She is not 31 years old with two children of her own. She is a good person who is successful in her career. If she had messed up her life and wasn’t productive or loving, I believe I would still love her, but my life would not have been gratifying. I grew up in a small family with one brother. We didn’t experience cousins or extended family. If I had three or four children, I would have felt overwhelmed and not have been as good a father. We are all different, with diverse careers, experiences, and family backgrounds. Not everyone is made to be parents, which shouldn’t be considered an emotional or spiritual handicap.
Today, pray for those who are considering whether to have a child. Further, pray for those who decided to be parents but continue struggling with their decision. Ask God to help them make the right decision for them and create a life that honors God the most. There are many ways to glorify God, and not all include parenthood. We should honestly and prayerfully seek what is in our best interest and that of any perspective child. If everyone had contemplated these considerations, there would be less abuse and more happiness.
