Overcoming the Fear
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Do not fear, I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Growing up in a broken home left me with a sense of anxiety. I didn’t feel anxiety in my youth or even college years. It came after I got married and knew I was responsible for more than just myself. I worried that I would make enough money for us to be comfortable and provide security for my wife and daughter. I was blessed with a wife who also worked and understood the benefits of paying the bills on time.
Through the years, I’ve heard from other adults who were children of divorce, and many of them also brought a sense of anxiety to their relationships. It might be the fear that divorce, too, could happen in their marriage and they didn’t think they could endure that pain yet again. Financial fears of being a good provider come up regularly with adult children of divorce. I am guessing that is because most marriages that end in divorce often do so because of financial instability, and debt issues.
Over the years I’ve had to address and overcome this fear. First, I had to trust that my ministry is called by God and therefore, God is with me in this ministry. If there must be transition, even a painful transition, I am not doing it alone. God will walk with me through the difficulty. Second, I intentionally remind myself I am not my parents. I can communicate with my spouse. We can focus on our financial responsibilities and retain a modest, but secure financial future.
The third way that I can overcome this fear is to prayerfully reflect on all the times my fears were unwarranted. I read a statement one time that said, “Ninety percent of what you worry about will never happen.” When I start hearing my self-talk become anxious, I remind myself of that truth. If I find myself in a moment of the terrible 10 percent, I reflect on other 10 percent moments, and remind myself that I am still standing, still married; our daughter and family are well and wonderful, and with God’s help, this present trouble will pass with time. It always has, and it always will, until God’s kingdom comes, and none of us will ever have to experience fear again. Today, just remember that 90 percent rule. Then, reflect on your 10 percent moments. You made it through, and let those memories make you strong enough to overcome your fear, and have the courage to face tomorrow with hope and confidence.
