Overcoming Needing and Loss
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:2)
When our daughter was growing up, she never wanted anything. No, she wasn’t fiscally mature for her age. She never wanted anything because she needed everything! To this day, turning 33 this month, she still looks at something she desires, and her go-to response is, “Hannah needs!” Joking aside, Hannah has learned to differentiate wants from needs. Addressing wants and needs is a vital part of developing emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence influences our spiritual growth.
In his article “80% of Emotional Intelligence is Mastering These Two Competencies,” Julian Frazier, Ph.D., argues that human experiences improve when we learn to address our disappointments. Dr. Frazier states, “These two fundamental human experiences are: “1. Wanting something and not having it. 2. Having something and (potentially) losing it.”
Dr. Frazier challenges the reader to move beyond immediate gratification. Once we sit with our wants for a little while, most times, the want becomes less alluring. When we negatively obsess about losing something we have, we are to question how detrimental losing it might be to our lives. It takes courage and maturity to reflect on the weaker aspects of our emotional lives. Your introspective process is beneficial. As Dr. Frazier confirms, “The trick is to be able to consistently and accurately tell the difference between your needs and your wants.”
Not getting something you desire or losing something you’ve had and still want can make someone bitter. Instead of succumbing to frustration or even rage, knowing how to overcome wants and loss frees us from what Dr. Frazier defines as “anticipatory grief.” Today, we invite God to differentiate wanting from needing and losing what we have. Allow the Spirit to bring our priorities into focus. When God is our center, wants are less likely to become needs or experience depression from a minor loss. Needing less makes more room for what is essential, especially God. There is joy in knowing we can never lose God.