Mother’s Day is Painful for Many

When my spirit is faint, you know my way. (Psalm 142:3)

A friend recently sent me a meaningful prayer from a United Church of Christ congregation on the theme of Mother’s Day. I was impressed because Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are two of the most difficult holidays for pastors to navigate. The prayer acknowledges the varied emotions that women feel on Mother’s Day. While some women celebrate the joy of their parenthood and the children they feel blessed to have; joy is not the feeling all women share on Mother’s Day.

Not all people had loving, emotionally healthy mothers. Likewise, not all mothers have children who continue to appreciate them. Some mothers continue to grieve children who died. Other women mourn not having children. Infertility issues either force people to give up their dreams of parenthood or spend a great deal of time and financial resources attempting to produce a baby, even without guarantees.

Some mothers struggle with the decision to have children and feel the shame of not enjoying the daily responsibilities of motherhood. Motherhood is challenging and complicated. Often, being a mother is a sacrificial act, and having moments of regret for choosing motherhood frequently creates shame and humiliation. Some women even feel a sense of shame for choosing not to have children. When our daughter was young, some people accused Jill and me of being selfish for choosing to have only one child. Imagine the hurt some women feel when they are treated like less than for choosing not to have children.

Next year, on Mother’s Day and this Sunday’s Father’s Day, when we celebrate those who feel joy, may we also be of prayerful support for those who find Mother’s Day a painful experience. Intentionally listen for clues of pain and leave the emotional door open, allowing those in pain to share. If God provides you the call to be of support to someone suffering on Mother’s Day, offer yourself with a listening ear and confidential commitment. Acknowledging the challenge of this holiday is the first step in providing much-needed care and support.