Middle School and Hell: A Difference?
written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.””
In the years of working with youth, one of the most challenging ministry areas is striving to assist youth in evaluating friendships. Young people tie friendships to individual freedom, self-identification, and several other subconscious values. Youth is the time of life where personal space is new, and youth feel their way along, trying to learn who they are and what they want from relationships. Without a great deal of experience, youth are vulnerable to pain and even emotional abuse.
I heard a comedian once compare Middle School and Hell and found that hell was preferable. The process of learning to handle the freedom and independence of friendship makes those Middle School years particularly painful and awkward. Proper lessons and development of maturity are known and pain continues, and healthy friendships will be elusive for decades if not adequately addressed.
Relationships are particularly hard for faithful Middle Schoolers because they are raised to love. Telling a youth that a friendship she/he’d developed is toxic and dragging the person down seems antithetical to the faith we are teaching them. Yet, we must continue to remind our youth of what Niklas Goke reminds us in his article, “If You’re Not Valued, You’re in the Wrong Place,” “The right place with the right people will always treat you the way you deserve to be. Know your worth, and never settle where you’re not appreciated. Never stay where people don’t value you.” If others diminish our faith and value, what will we have left to give?
The way we guide Middle Schoolers isn’t that different from the guidance we provide adults. When someone you know hurts him/herself and others – people of faith – respond, but not with friendship. We respond with love, kindness, and guidance; but friendship requires accountability. The goal is for the person in question to become a friend, but not while hurting you or others. Pray God will provide the wisdom and compassion to be a guide when necessary and a friend when able, and to know the difference.