The Irony in Trying to Find Oneself

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.(Ephesians 2:10)

People climb the Himalayas to find the divine. Others hoard every penny, believing wealth is the ticket to lifetime success. Others seek fulfillment through organized religious strains that make them feel superior to others. None of these ways leads to ultimate bliss. The problem is that each described spiritual/successful road is too self-focused.

Throughout the Bible, we see God using irony to make a point. God’s spiritual work with us also provides satire. The more we focus on ourselves, the less we find ourselves. The Gospel writer understood this when he quoted Jesus, who said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Mt. 10:39). Those who feel the need to find themselves should follow Jesus’ example and reach outside the self.

In “Stop Trying to ‘Find Yourself”-It’s Not the Key to a Fulfilling Life,” Karen Nimmo quotes the poet Mary Sarton to make the point that we experience fulfillment outside us. “One does not ‘find oneself’ by pursuing one’s self, but on the contrary by pursuing something else and learning through some discipline or routine…who one is and wants to be.” No one outside those indigenous to the area can make a lifelong routine of hiking the Himalayas. Creating practices in our own backyard that focus on God and others is the way to find oneself.

We should all aim to be our best selves in this world. First, prayerfully name how we tangibly focus on God more than ourselves. Then, continue by naming ways you reach out to others. Give God thanks for the humility you show by offering yourself. Third, take a moment to contemplate other ways you could give beyond yourself. If a parent is swamped with activities, how can you caringly listen to another parent or child? How can you offer yourself in a more non-anxious way to your family? Asking and responding to the needs of others is the ironic way you find yourself.