Making Your Relationship Even Stronger
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)
Any relationship is a challenge. Whether we are talking about dating, marriage, or work colleagues, any time two or more individuals are together, intentionality is vital to successful connections. When Jill and I were dating, I knew she was the one I wanted to marry. I believe God brought us together. So, why did we still have to work on our relationship, even in the dating stage? Even the most incredible, romantic, and focused relationship cannot survive without regular, intentional reflection.
Psychologist Nick Wignall helps guide couples to effective daily living. Wignall uses his article "4 Habits of Happy and Successful Couples" to instruct us in nurturing relationships with people. The first habit Wignall recommends is "Taking Feedback Well." Don't make conversations more difficult or painful than necessary. "You can only work through relationship problems if you're able to identify them." Avoidance becomes the go-to response if we address every perceived issue with defensiveness, and the relationship suffers.
Yet, Wignall expects people to Communicate "Assertively." Assertiveness is not synonymous with rudeness or screaming. Being assertive focuses on clarity of thoughts and feelings. Couples can work through almost anything if we share our concerns assertively. You cannot help or support each other if you don't know the other person's thoughts or feelings. Being assertive leads us to Wignall's third recommendation, "Emotional Vulnerability." Assertively sharing our thoughts leaves us vulnerable. It takes courage to honestly share when we open ourselves to potential questioning or hurt.
Finally, Wignall expects couples, no matter how trusting and loving, to set "boundaries." Without clear boundaries, it is harder to say "no" or trust the motivations behind our actions and the actions of those we love. Today, prayerfully think about each of Wignall's four habits. Are these habits part of your relationships? If not, how can you reassert healthy communication with those you love and trust? Then, prayerfully ask God to guide you and your partner in the process of healthy and trusting growth. When you prioritize these habits, your relationships will become even more fulfilling.