Being Alone Took Practice
written by: Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. ”
For many years, I felt like being alone was time wasted. Spending time with friends brought joy; being alone felt less fulfilling and dull. In Seminary, professors and other students challenged me to spend more time alone in prayer and meditation. I was encouraged to face the discomfort of alone time so I could experience God's presence more intimately and profoundly. Sitting in silence produced emotional hurt. Yet, I knew my faith would not be strengthened until I could spend uninterrupted time with God alone.
As I got older, time alone has become more comfortable and is now a blessed gift. Becoming comfortable alone, and especially with silence, took years of practice. Along with practice, being alone requires personal and honest reflection. I asked the uncomfortable question, "Am I uncomfortable because I do not like myself or am uncomfortable with myself?" The question wasn't that simple. I didn't dislike myself, but I had a false understanding.
Early in life, I came to believe that it wasn't as meaningful unless I shared experiences with others. Further, I had to admit that I didn't feel "enough" without the distraction and affirmation of others. As a person of faith, I recognized that distraction keeps me from focusing on life's meaningful issues and the Spirit's still small voice. Further, needing affirmation from others limits spiritual growth. Needing affirmation gives others too much power over us. All people are sinful and fall short of God's perfection. Even faithful, caring people fall into manipulation and control without even trying. Intentional periods of solitude with the Holy Spirit will heal and restore the soul.
We are all preparing to die. No matter how many loved ones you have in the room on the day of your death, you will be alone. Unless you die suddenly, you will spend hours, if not days, unable to communicate with others. When you've lived in the routine of solitude with God, even the death process will allow you to relax and feel as natural as every other meditative moment. You will hear the voice of God more clearly and let go and fall into God's arms with trust. Every moment of meditative solitude provides divine reassurance and love found nowhere else in our corrupt and noisy world. God is calling you to organize moments of solitude. Make it part of your routine, as necessary as brushing your teeth or showering. Meditative solitude cleans the soul.
