Be Strong and Independent! Not!
When I was a boy, the mantra was “be a man!” Looking back, over 50 years later, I believe I know what the legion meant. We boys were being groomed to fill the Hollywood stereotype of the strong, independent man. Independence includes the “romantic” notion of the American West. Like the 19th-century settlers journeying across the western frontier, we are expected to make our way without assistance and complaint. Yet, the demand to be free from all others is not a Biblical or American reality.
Most of us have advantages that assist us in becoming successful. Several of life’s gifts were beyond our control. If some benefits give us a leg up on others, then we are not “self-made” or “independent.” In his article, “4 Unfair Advantages in Life-That People Take For Granted,” Sean Kernan reminds us that we humans do not begin at the same place. Some have unique gifts or opportunities others did not possess. Kernan reminds us that we cannot choose the family we are born into, and some families are more emotionally, spiritually, and financially supportive than others. We also did not choose our country of origin. Being born in a first-world nation instead of a third-world nation makes a massive difference in our lives and opportunities for success. Again, we did not independently create this option.
Next, Kernan surprised me with his following reason why we cannot take all the credit for our successes. He calls it “The gift of eye candy.” Kernan reflects, “We like looking at beautiful people. Even worse, we attribute the Halo Effect to them. It occurs when someone has one shining quality that enhances their other attributes. As a simple example, we tend to assume a handsome, well-dressed person is smart and morally good. Look at Disney movies. Villains tend to have scowling, less attractive faces.” Your relative good looks or the ability to purchase flattering clothes sets you apart from those without the same benefits.
Finally, Kernan reminds us that even our minds are not ours alone to celebrate. We did not create our intellectual ability or our mental health. We can enhance it, but at a basic level, we can only accept what we received at birth. We are not self-made men and women. We are fortunate, lucky, as well as hard-working. We owe our gratitude to God for what we’ve been given. We are called to humbly seek to help others who were not blessed with some of the same benefits we were given. While the arrogant person looks up and says, “God, why didn’t you give me more.” The grateful person says, “Thank you for giving me opportunities to live a meaningful life and the compassion to reach out to those without the same opportunities I’ve had.” A real man (and woman) is humble, compassionate, and interdependent. The interdependent person makes room for God and others.