Always Training
written by: Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ”
Throughout my life, I have resonated with the idea of a life of preparation. I’ve spent my life in a constant state of training. My public school years were preparation for an independent life. I was consciously aware that I had no safety net. I had one crack at providing a secure life for myself and perhaps a family in the far-off future. Yet, I wasn’t a good student because interpersonal relationships came first.
After a tough first semester of college, I committed to transforming my perception of training. I accepted that being an average student would make for a below-average future pastor. I also knew that academics alone would not provide the variety of skills necessary for a meaningful ministry. Balancing church, acting, and academics was part of my preparation plan. Preparation transitioned in seminary, away from learning theatrical performance and continuing to focus on academics and further experience the nuanced life in the church.
After ordination, my preparation became infinitely more complicated. There were so many responsibilities, between marriage, parenting, and pastoral duties, I felt like a novice in every area of my life. I wish I could say that with years of experience, the expert replaced the novice. With more than forty years of continued training, I remain a novice. Our world, my life, and God’s challenges continue to take me in new directions and leave me off-kilter. Yet, through my development through the continual need for care and understanding beyond my capability, God has helped my novice ability and given me the determination to keep preparing.
I share my example to get you thinking about the process of your life. Do you still feel like a novice in your life? Do you have it all under control? If you’ve said “yes” to these questions, I encourage you to jump into the deep end and try something new and challenging. In my life, and in the lives of many people I’ve known, God feels most profound in the recesses of our souls when we feel like novices. Our inexperience makes room for God to move and guide us. In our uncomfortable questioning, we recognize our need for the divine One through the Holy Spirit’s support.
We never “make it.” We are always preparing, and we should celebrate our novice reality. In our need, we make room for the God who desires our lives, our trust, and our work in the world. When we recognize our limitations, we make room for God. God is moving continually in and around us. Remaining a novice affirms our weakness and God’s power to make us a little wiser in this world and whole in the next.
