When a Loved One Dies

A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. (Ecclesiastes 7:1)

When a loved one dies, many decisions must be made at the worst emotional time. If the loved one hasn’t prepared, you have funeral home decisions, addressing everything from cremation or casket to the worship services and cemetery. Financial implications can be frustrating. Communicating with Social Security and the possibility of your loved one’s bank locking the account are all potential hassles. Then, you have the stress of unresolved familial issues common in mourning. The list of challenges seems endless.

I performed my first funeral 37 years ago and am still learning new ways to care for families. Plus, society and its laws keep changing. When I read George Acevedo’s article “5 Non-Obvious Things You Must Do Quickly When a Love One Dies,” I was humbled again by what I didn’t think to share with families during a loss. Acevedo claims, “The first thing to do is find their book of passwords, if they have one, and hide or remove it from the house.” He told the story of others coming in the house, finding the deceased person’s passwords, then going online and spending thousands from the late person’s account before it was canceled.

Next, Acevedo warns, “Take control of their phone, and don’t let anyone see or take it.” The same is true of the person’s computer. “Unplug it and put it in a safe place until you’re ready to untangle their digital life.” I knew about contacting credit card companies and other bills, but I hadn’t considered the automatic renewals on computer apps and other forms of digital responsibility. I am sharing some of these examples so you can prepare because death is rarely expected.

You and your extended family should sit down and have a detailed plan for when death arrives. The most loving thing you can do is have all your plans made in advance. The fewer decisions your loved ones must make, the easier it will be to grieve. Think for a moment: do your loved ones know all your necessary information? Do they know the combination to your safe? Do they have your passwords? The more you prepare the details, the less suffering your loved ones will feel. Having conversations when everyone is healthy is less intimidating than if someone is close to death.