From Grief to Acceptance
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
I love the Tolstoy quote, “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” Loss and grief are painful and can challenge us to our core. Experiencing grief is more difficult because we face it uniquely with each new experience. Each death affects us differently because our relationship with each person is unique. Further, at distinctive stages of our lives, we differ from previous settings, causing us to respond differently.
In “Grief is More Than Just Sadness-It’s a Journey to Acceptance,” George J. Ziogas helps us address the complexity of grief. First, there is a shock. An unexpected death provides surprise, which we expect. Yet, often, the expected loss of a loved one who has suffered for months, or years, can provide more shock than a sudden loss because it can still feel unexpected. Shock can keep us from making necessary decisions, or make us preoccupied with unnecessary details. We can even be forgetful because of shock, and miss important details.
Ziogas confirms, “Some deaths can make grieving more difficult.” For example, death by drugs or suicide can leave loved ones with unresolved pain for years, if not generations. Ziogas recommends, “People with such signs of ‘complicated grief’ may need counseling to help deal with the multitude of emotions and thoughts that are keeping them in a grieving state.” It is vital not to ignore our pain but to process our grief appropriately. Self-care isn’t selfish but necessary to remain healthy, which is good for the self and those we interact with daily.
Today’s task begins with reflections on previous moments of grief. What were the painful moments of sorrow in your life? Where did you receive your comfort? What were the barriers to healing? It may be beneficial to write down your thoughts in a journal. When we write, we think differently and can reflect on our thoughts when needed. Preparing for grief is not morbid but a necessary reality. When we’ve thought through the grief process, we can envision the struggle and make room for our Triune God to step in and provide support and care.