Caring Takes Guts

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

One of the most challenging aspects of becoming a pastor was becoming comfortable being present with those who were suffering. For many of us, our first instinct is to be “fixers”. We want to “fix” others’ problems in order to comfort them. With these expectations, a pastor or other caregiver can feel like a failure if we cannot “fix” another’s suffering. Further, in their desperation, the person struggling can expect the caregiver to cure their pain. The caregiver’s role is to be a caring presence, not a fixer. Most of the time, fixing the situation is impossible unless you are a medical doctor or a miracle worker. Yet, your presence, care, and concern are enough to provide the inner strength necessary to persevere until healing takes place.

 Maria Popova, in her article “The Radical Act of Letting Things Hurt: How (Not) to Help a Friend in Sorrow,” warns of the unintended consequences of trying to fix someone’s hurt. Popova points out, “Our instinctive efforts to salve another’s sadness tend to only deepen their helpless anguish and broaden the abyss between us and them.” Uncomfortable platitudes or sympathy remind the one in pain that few, if anyone, can share their horrific suffering. It makes one feel even more isolated.

Our culture has few ways of addressing suffering and grief. With the secularization of society, even those are diminishing. For example: fewer people go to funerals, faith is considered a taboo subject, and without the tools to care appropriately, most people are left ignoring the pain of others to avoid feeling uncomfortable. It requires courage to walk alongside and embrace another’s pain. It takes confidence to care, even when it might not help, or when it might make the other person’s struggle more painful.

One of the last places of courage and confidence is in the church. Whether a pastor, an elder, a deacon, or a caring person in the pew, your faith inspires compassion. It gives you the guts to step into another’s pain. What gives you the ability to care without making matters worse is faith. The faith to trust the Holy Spirit to allow your presence to be enough. Your words are often less important than simply being with someone in their struggle. When we walk with someone in their pain and are willing to experience it with them, they do not feel alone or isolated. Step up with courage and confidence because God’s Spirit works through you in moments of despair so that others might feel a little bit better.