Short-Timer’s Syndrome
Written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. ”
When I meet with older people, there is often a push to accomplish their dreams and visions now, because they realize how finite their time on this earth remains. Several years ago, I met with a woman who was emotionally out of control. She was responding in a manic/depressive way regarding her children. She was so upset because her grown children were not making good decisions and were not living up to her expectations. She knew she didn’t have too many years left to live and was worried that she might not ever raise her children to be the people she and her late husband wanted them to become.
After we prayed for her grown children and their families, I was able to get her to talk a little more about her feelings. She tearfully admitted that her children were not only a disappointment, but were an embarrassment. All her friends seemed to have emotionally and spiritually healthy children. She questioned herself continually about what she and her husband must have done wrong. I asked her, after all her reflection, did she come up with an answer? She said, “We could be short-tempered sometimes.” I asked, “Is that it?”
I inquired further: “Did you physically abuse your children?” “Heavens no!” “Did you withhold love from your children?” “No.” I continued to list a few other horrible actions and then asked about their efforts made to positively affect their children’s lives. It became apparent she and her husband were good parents, who struggled with two children who were a challenge. I tried to affirm she and her husband’s parenting, and discussed the many aspects that shape a human being’s world and decision-making. We closed by recognizing she wasn’t the one who could make the necessary changes in her children’s lives, to make them more productive. It was always in God’s hands.
We prayed again, offering both her children, and each of their family members over to God. There was a calm that overtook her. Letting go of the inappropriate responsibility allowed her to relax. I didn’t get to see her interactions with her children, but she mentioned that they were communicating more. As parents, especially of grown children, there is only so much we can do to guide the children we love. It is in God’s hands to continue to mold them. Further, that they are to be molded into the image of God’s plan for their lives, not into the image of their parents. We prayed more than once together about trusting God to mold them in God’s image and for her to let go and let God work in their lives. She could simply enjoy the time she had left on this earth, without trying to remold her children in her image.
