Resilience for You and Your Children
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and to not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
Resilience is essential for our children and us as parents. Well-meaning parents try to keep their children from facing adversity or struggle. The problem with the decision is, it leaves children without the skill of resilience when difficulties or tragedy strikes. Even the wealthiest people cannot keep hardships and tragedies from affecting their lives. You cannot keep your children living in bliss. The idea that you want them to remain in childlike innocence as long as possible is admirable, but it is unfortunate. When your child finally faces adversity, they will be unprepared.
Preparing yourself and your children with resilience is possible without frightening or embittering them. Nick Wignall, in his article “3 Traits of Highly Resilient People,” provides a pathway to nurturing resilience. However, before Wignall even offers his three traits, he makes clear that resilience is on a continuum. Severe physical or emotional abuse, for example, is at the extreme end of the continuum. While we may not have experienced horrific struggles in our lives, we all land somewhere on the line because no one lives a problem-free life. He also makes it clear that resilience isn’t something you have to be born with, but something we can all learn.
Wignall writes that the first attitude we need to learn and teach our children is acceptance. Once we acknowledge and accept that adversity is part of life, we can accept it and move in a positive direction to address the issue. Denial keeps us from healing. Wignall confirms, “Happiness and success depend on the ability to see reality for what it is-not what you wish it was or what you’re afraid it will be.” Wignall’s second recommendation is to clarify your values. Wignall believes, “to find the strength to persevere, start by exploring and clarifying your values-the things that matter most to you.” Once you confirm what matters, it is easier to work to make those areas a reality in your life, even amidst life’s challenges.
Finally, Wignall writes about the importance of flexibility. He doesn’t mean physically, although that is important too. He is writing about having flexibility in your beliefs and your plans. “Strong beliefs, loosely held,” is how Wignall describes it in his article. I knew a girl who was a dancer and injured herself in a way that the surgeon told her she would never dance again. Her entire identity was wrapped up in her dance. She continued her life as a shell of her former self. She did not have the mental and emotional flexibility to adjust to her injury or the constraints that came with it. Wignall continues, “rather than becoming paralyzed or resorting to wishing and complaining that things were different, they [flexible people] set about to change the one thing they actually have control over: themselves.”
Today, pray for the self-awareness and courage to address these three areas in your life before difficulty or tragedy hits. Then, find a way to offer these practices to your children and maybe even your friends, so you can live together in mutual support and care. Never forget that God’s Spirit is ever ready to step in and assist you in the process of healing.