Male Friendships Can Be Real
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Forgive my generalization, but in my experience, men struggle in times of loss and pain because they do not have the friendships of most women. Even when men have friends, often their depth of relationship is only sports deep. Men usually do not have the tools or experience to show love and support for other men in times of deep pain.
In his article “Why do so many men have no real friends?” Max Dickins describes his realization when he didn’t have a best man for his wedding. Dickins did his homework, “A 2019 YouGov survey found that one in five men have no close friends-twice the proportion of women. A similar poll by the Movember Foundation put it at one man in three-and when ‘close’ was defined as someone they could talk to about health or money worries, that rose to one in two. Millions of men are isolated-even if many of us don’t know it.”
The reality of male isolation intensifies as men get older. Dickins continues, “The grimmest statistic I found is about public health funerals, where a council buries someone because they have nobody close enough to do it.” Dickins quotes, “Three times as many men as women have those funerals, despite the fact that women are way more likely to live on their own. It shows how isolated men become as they get older.” Thankfully, the Church has an answer.
Men in church groups are not as isolated. Their ability to talk about faith issues opens them up to discussing other areas of their lives. The church is a blessing because it nurtures relationships and draws people closer to God and one another. Some of the closest relationships of my life have been through Church. Today, pray for men and their ability to open themselves to one another in meaningful ways. Further, pray others will recognize the benefit for men to engage in meaningful relationships before the isolation becomes too overwhelming.