Forgiveness is a Process
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13)
Forgiveness is a complex and painful necessity. Forgiveness takes different forms depending on the circumstances. Even relatively minor offenses can be hard to forgive because our ego, accountability, and justice require our attention. Our ego is sensitive and can be easily damaged. When our ego is hurt, we defend and lash out, leaving thoughtful rationality behind.
Accountability is another challenge to forgiveness. Accountability is essential to forgiveness, especially for those needing absolution. Forgiving someone without accountability just gives the perpetrator tacit permission to keep offending. Finally, forgiveness without justice is abuse. Forgive and forget was a false truth that has hurt generations of people seeking well-being.
God calls us to practice forgiveness, not simply to let the hurtful off the hook, but to learn how to live without ruminating over unfairness. James Horton, Ph.D., in his article “You Don’t Have to Forgive,” affirms, “My biggest obstacle in coping with rumination is that I believed rumination was about the past.” Our minds may be ruminating over past events, but the act of rumination occurs in the present. We still have time to make healthy changes when we recognize obsessing as a present affliction rather than past remembrance.
Today, ask God to give you the wisdom to recognize your present ruminations. Most of us obsess without conscious recognition of our self-abuse. Forgiveness is a process of self-recognition. Forgiveness forces us to evaluate our ego. Considering how we benefit from accountability provides trust in divine justice that there will be fairness in the kingdom of God. Until Jesus comes again, live a forgiving life as if you already lived in the kingdom of heaven. Forgiveness is where we find true joy.